I was talking to mother a couple of days ago. She told (yet again…) me I should stop being so picky when it comes to choosing a partner. « Stop looking for that person who is going to tick all the boxes. You need to find someone who has those 1 or 2 or 3 qualities/values that are sine qua none for you, then just soak it up and endure the rest. That’s what everyone else do. That’s how relationships work. Hell that’s how they exist! »
So of course I’ve been thinking about this ever since. I always thought I was open and not choosy nor demanding but she was right (and God I hate that!). I had a list. A long and exhaustive and peculiar list.
But the more I think, the more it becomes evident. Only 3 things really matter :
- That he/she loves me EXACTLY like I am, with all my baggage, and my non-conventional sexuality, and my over-the-top almost schizophrenic personally, and my quasi bipolar values, and my weird and ever-changing body. That the love not despite of what/who/how I am, but because of that.
- That she/he consider me (and later me and the kids) a priority. As selfish and egocentric as it sounds, I want to be a priority for my partner.
- That they are someone I can rely on and count on and lean on and trust. I should have to watch my back with them, nor feel that I have to protect myself and my emotions.
But all that is useless if you don’t have in front of you someone who, just like you, is ready to enter a committed relationship…